"How can love be bad if it’s pure, whoever it’s between, if God created it all?"

Here are our first two stories for our blog and it's about one of the biggest issues facing many people around the world: sexuality. Sexuality is more than just who you're attracted to, it's a part of your identity. Most religions are against homosexuality which has created a problem for people who are religious but also LGBTQ. These stories are a chance for us to understand how it feels to be gay in a modern society and the challenges brought by religion and culture.

I know loads of people reading this are against LGBTQ but it's a problem facing a lot of people. Ignoring or shutting it out will not help this or the next generation of kids who face the same thing, we have to learn to be more accepting.

I will write a blog soon about LGBTQ but here are two girls explaining their constant struggles with sexuality and religion.

The first story is from a Muslim girl who is bisexual. Her story takes us through her relationships, religion and family.

"I grew up in a Pakistani Muslim family in New York. I was always proud of my culture and religion. I went to the mosque and prayed, basically was a good Muslim but when I was younger I always knew I was different. My first crushes were girls. I always felt weird because deep down I knew that this wasn't right. That one day I'd marry a boy. I kept telling myself that maybe I just find girls pretty and that's okay. I knew I liked guys too my mind was focused on that, until freshman year of high school, when I was just 14 I met this girl. I found her really pretty inside and out and we became friends but as we talked I wanted to be more than that I never felt this way with anyone before and asked her out. Everything was fine however, I still felt as if this was not normal.

I looked up what the Muslim views on homosexuality were. I looked up what would happen if I was bisexual in Islam. Words like unnatural kept popping up. How marriage should be between a man and a woman only. I decided to push my feelings aside because of course I did not want to be committing this sin. So I left her. I was in denial that I liked girls and boys. When I turned 15 I met this boy and started dating him. I felt normal when I was with him and kept persuading myself that I was straight. I became closer to God and even prayed for forgiveness for liking a girl.

After a while I still felt weird around girls or with girls. I knew I was still attracted to them deep down. One day I asked for my parents views on homosexuality and they basically said the same things I saw in that google search. That it was unnatural, that if anyone in our family was homosexual the family's name would be ruined. Hearing this I tried even harder to push my feelings for girls away but they wouldn't go. I felt guilty and felt like I was a sinner.

After two years my parents found out about my boyfriend and I had to leave him. My parents are strict against dating so I had to keep not only him secret but the fact that I liked girls. After this breakup I started hanging out with girls more and started to have a shift in my mindset. I thought to myself that if I'm not hurting anyone why would God be mad at me? I started to be more comfortable with my sexuality and finally came out to my friends when I turned 17. Around this time I met a girl on Instagram. She was Muslim and Pakistani and we talked, stayed up at night, but there was one issue, I started falling for her. I told her and was shocked when she told me she felt the same way. How could this be I thought to myself? She's Muslim and Pakistani too! Meeting this girl made me feel way more comfortable about my sexuality I no longer felt weird. I felt as if it was okay because I wasn't the only person who felt this way.

As time went by I started coming out to more of my friends. This girl and I felt more comfortable with our religion too we had the same views about how God wouldn't be upset with us. We still prayed and read the Quran. Everything felt right except of course nothing is perfect and due to some complications we broke up.

I am now 19 years old and out to almost every one of my friends. I still have not come out to my parents because I know their views on dating and homosexuality. I don't think they would understand my views but overall I am happy with where I am today. I felt like I was at a battle with myself when I was denying what I was. I realise that I can still pray and love who I want to. I am a bisexual Pakistani Muslim girl and I am proud." - Anonymous

This second story is from a Christian girl who is dealing with her own battle between religion and sexuality.

"I come from a family that is neither religious or has any people who are openly gay or bisexual, none that I talk to at least. But I’m a Christian and I’m bisexual.

When I was growing up queer representation was not what it is today. A man was gay if he was feminine, a woman was a lesbian if she was masculine. Gay was used as an insult. As the only girl with two older brothers I spent my time playing football and playing video games, I was branded a tomboy from a young age. I was never comfortable talking about boys, but it was always presumed that boys are what I liked. Every time I saw family who I hadn’t seen in a while, they’d ask “Have you got a boyfriend yet?” Like that was what I was meant to want. I’m the youngest of around ten grandchildren and I’m the only one without kids and not in a relationship. I had a friend tell me once that all women footballers are gay. Like what correlation did that have? So, I liked playing football. I was in year six when I had my first crush on a boy. I was also in the midst of my obsession with football. Boys seemed to like that I was that way, but that was the last reason I was doing it.

When I was growing up I wasn’t religious. I didn’t have any religious family or friends. But being from an area where there were so many different cultures and religions, I learnt a lot from others but I never knew what I was. In secondary school I mixed with so many different types of people. My first boyfriend asked me out when I was in year seven. It was one of those on and off relationships, he was also a Christian. I never liked a girl until I was in year eleven, but I pushed away those feelings in an attempt to convince myself I didn’t like girls. And that worked, for a while. It was year twelve that my mind went into crisis mode. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown and I was so confused and hated myself for what I was, or rather what I wasn’t.

I didn’t have a religion but I realised that I believed in God. As a kid I was always so concerned with death and what happened afterwards and I finally knew that I believed in God. But, with society fitting everyone perfectly into a religion, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist, etc. I suddenly felt this immense pressure to fit myself into a box, I was convinced I needed one. Some people don’t need an organised religion, but my mind was always better with a little organisation. Throughout year twelve, after I was officially single post year eleven, I was lost and my mental health started to deteriorate. I just knew that I believed in God and now all those suppressed feelings I had pushed away in the darkest parts of my mind, everything that I was most ashamed of came to the forefront. We all know that Abrahamic religions (Islam, Christianity & Judaism) do not support homosexuality. I was at odds with my own mind, between my feelings and my beliefs. That summer I was broken. My whole life fell apart, so much that my home life was falling apart as a consequence because no one could understand what was going on, I kept everything inside until I was spending the whole night awake thinking, literally in my own head and alone.

I made it through that crippling overthinking and got into year thirteen. I was still in a bad mindset but I had gotten to the point where I was not falling apart anymore and I was exploring religion and I found that Christianity is what felt right for me. But, that didn’t solve the fact that I liked girls and I was now religious. So, I pushed down any feelings I had until I was fine, at least on the surface.

Until one of my best friends introduced me to some new friends. A girl brought all those feelings back and this time I couldn’t ignore them. I didn’t know what to do but I told my best friend, who was also religious. She supported me. And a year after that relationship ended I told my best friend that I was in love with her. I still didn’t fully accept myself but I was working on it and I couldn’t just push aside those feelings, God made me this way. I never understood why I couldn’t just accept myself because I didn’t have any issue with accepting other people.

But, internalised homophobia is a thing. Even now I am far from fully accepting myself as I still have self-doubt, sometimes I get so lost in it that I don’t know what to do. But, I feel that everyone has a right to be exactly what they are and what they want. I decided that I can’t change how I feel so I learnt to accept it. And I’m almost there. I know for sure that I’m Christian and that I like girls, that’s never going to change because girls made me feel more than boys ever did. I identify as a bisexual because I don’t completely rule out falling for a man, even if it doesn’t feel likely right now.

Queer people celebrate the idea that love is love, no matter in what form. Religious people believe that God created love. You can identify as whatever you want and that’s up to you and you don’t have to label yourself. No one gets to tell you what you are and are not, only yourself. How can love be bad if it’s pure, whoever it’s between, if God created it all?" - Anonymous

Thank you for reading these stories. If you would like to share a story with us then message either me or Anisah through Instagram or go the the 'About Us' page where you can contact us.